Artificial Drama

Perhaps the single stupidest television show I’ve ever encountered is Don’t Forget the Lyrics, the Fox program in which people sing karaoke, supplying a few of the words along the way. Okay, that last sentence isn’t true. The single stupidest show in history is a sit-com from the 80s in which a little girl plays a robot.
What’s stupid about the lyrics show is not the premise, which is kind of fun. The creators of that show must have immediately thought of the spin-off possibilities. They could—and maybe already have—produced computer-based games, CDs, and all sorts of other merchandise. What’s stupid is the artificial drama that these people attempt to pump into their show.
Here’s the scene. Somebody sings part of a song. A few words are left out. They have to supply the missing words. After a moment’s hesitation, the singer is asked to “lock in” their supplied lyrics, this show’s equivalent of Millionaire’s “final answer.” So far so good, but the host then makes them wait a painfully long time before revealing whether or not the answer is correct. In one case, a player had used two different “cheats.” His song was “My Eyes Adored You.” When he couldn’t nail the words, he asked to be given a multiple-choice menu. One of those three lines was correct. When that didn’t settle the answer in his mind, he asked to be given two words. The words supplied eliminated two of the multiple-choice answers. In other words, any sentient creature should have seen that only choice C could possibly be correct. There was absolutely no suspense here. Did that lead the host to immediately reveal the correctness of the player’s answer? Of course not. He made us all wait.
Artificial drama is the common denominator for reality shows. With a tension-evoking music and absurd pauses, we get dragged from commercial break to commercial break. Artificial drama attempts to make Donald Trump seem interesting. It drives Howie Mandel’s suitcase-opening game. Artificial drama is the stock-in-trade for Survivor, Amazing Race, and Oprah’s new reality competition.
The killer is that this main ingredient of “reality TV” is incredibly unreal. Forget the contrived situations and laughable premises, the phony suspense is what makes me gag at most of these offerings.